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Topic : 08/07 Torn Between Two Husbands

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Created on : Friday, May 04, 2007, 12:03:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/08/07) Is it possible to be in love with two men at the same time? Orlena is desperate for help. She says she still has feelings for her ex-husband, Chad, and she adores her current husband, Brent. Chad is a soldier and when duty called, he fought in Iraq. He returned home a changed man and their love shattered forever. What changed Chad, and what caused Orlena to leave him? Devastated and heartbroken, Orlena moved on and into the arms of Brent. Two months after marrying Brent, Chad called and begged Orlena to come back. Find out Brent's strong message for Chad. Since Chad made initial contact with Orlena, they have talked numerous times, and he even spent three days visiting her. What has she been saying to Chad, and are the chats appropriate for a married woman to have? And, will Orlena honor her commitment to Brent or return to the man who broke her heart? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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May 8, 2007, 3:27 pm CDT

Torn...

How sad i feel for Brent the most, apparently Orlena was able to convince this man even though she was truthful from the start, that she would let go of the ex, this ex i wouldn't trust with a fly, there is NO WAY i believe he didn't know that Orlena had remarried, i am positive family and friends talk, after all their proclaimed "history" they have to have mutual friends that stay in touch, for Chad to contact her was dead wrong, and then for Orlena to let him back in even in what she says to be a friendship is at best Poor poor judgement on her part, this fact alone says alot to me, it convinces me that she was in no way "OVER" her ex, and she wants what she believes to be the best of both worlds, she isn't woman enough to admit what she is currently doing is wrong, i have to wonder what she is telling Chad, i am sure she is telling him she loves him, i don't buy that "I AM IN LOVE WITH 2 PEOPLE" theory, that is stupid in my opinion! Although there are many different forms of love, i don't believe that one person can love two people in the exact same way, to the point where they are torn between the person they stood with before God and family, and said "I DO" as compared to someone who changed for whatever reason, and becamse someone they didn't like or think much of, Orlena Chose to play a game, and she gambled and lost obviously, this is EXACTLY what happens when you play with peoples emotions! Someone will get hurt, and in this case, its Brett, i wish he would have stood up, and tossed that wedding ring in her face! If she played the game and lost before, whats making him believe she isn't game playing with him and Chad for that matter? We saw 40+ minutes of this story, there is no doubt alot more not said, but one thing i know for sure? Orlena isn't acting as a married woman should, and if you don't want to be married and love the person you're with the way you should? its a dirty shame , thats what it is....Dr Phil was right on with this one, i concur 100% with what he said at the end of the show! I hope an update is in the works, one with Brett on his own, away from Orlena, and hopefully with someone who adores him, loves him the way he deserves to be loved, and not with someone who "can't choose"...1 last thought, why is there a choice to begin with? You're married Orlena...maybe its time to go grab a dictionary and look up EXACTLY what that word means, 1 quote from my marriage vows i'll add here , then i am done, Until Death Do Us Part....apparently that translation was lost in your shuffle somewhere!

 
May 8, 2007, 3:27 pm CDT

Nice Guys finish Last

Quote From: motorcop

I think Brent should wake up and see the light!  He is the 2nd place husband and always will be even though he is currently married to this woman.  You can see it in her eyes that she still is "hooked" on Chad and doesn't want to let go of him.  This is going to be nothing but a bad relationship for Brent.  He should cut his loses NOW and move on.  What a slap in the face to someone who appears to be a really nice guy.  If I were him I would have bailed out of this marriage right on the TV show afer hearing what his wife said!!  Bad enough what has happened to him, but worse yet to be made an idiot on TV!!!  DUMP YOUR WIFE.....SHE DON"T LOVE YOU!!!!!!         Rick  
I agree 100% She does not love him. You just cannot hurt someone you love like that. Chad hurt her by signing those papers and she got even by getting married right away. No long engagement, no time. It may have been subconscience but it was wrong.
 
May 8, 2007, 3:27 pm CDT

05/08 Torn Between Two Husbands

I feel sorry  for Orlina but she really got involved to soon with Brent. She will never be happy with Brent because Chad will always be on her mind. Orlina did not stick by Chad after Iraq,otherwise she would not have threatened annulment, but would have insisted on some kind of therapy. She says they were best friends but when he needed her to realize he needed help, she didn't recognize that and left. Orlina even said when her and Chad were about to talk he went fourwheeling with her father & brother. Didn't she see that was normal to him after Iraq & that at that time Chad probably felt comfortable being around her & her family. Orlina you should have known better that day how much he loved you still and was coming back around to being himself. I hope things go well and you & Chad get back together. Don't feel guilty about Brent I think he knows already. You even proved that  on your wedding day to him when you could'nt look at him at the time of your vows......

 

Dr Phil you didn't even really let Chad talk. You made him seem like he was the problem.

I really believe he HAD A problem and is waking up now. I don't think he should be punished for that now.I hope he gets his women back.

 
May 8, 2007, 3:28 pm CDT

Love

It is biblical that love is a DECISION. So yes, Dr. Phil she can choose. Emotions come and go. Her emotions for Chad and Brent will change through the years. She has made a decision to love Brent and has proven that with her marriage vows. She must decide (even if she has to do so continuously) to love and honor what she has with Brent.

I believe she is caught up in what she had with Chad, prior to Iraq. Because she wants so desparately to believe that he is the man she first loved, she refuses to acknowledge the hurt that he caused. She WANTS him to be that man and therefore is clinging to who he used to be.

Brent is a good man. Can't say what to do. She may always live with the ghost of Chad, but if she chooses Chad and things start to go downhill again she will begin to wonder about what could have been with Brent,and the cycle will continue.

 
May 8, 2007, 3:28 pm CDT

05/08 Torn Between Two Husbands

Quote From: sumiefaye

LOOK how understanding he is to his wife.   I think a majority of men would not be as understanding and calm, especially to the "other guy", as he is.  Seeing how he wants to work it out, see it through, and be there for her still, fully knowing what he knows about how she feels, I think he is one of a few good men.  And maybe in your standards, there are many, but in mine there are few.  Maybe, in a way, you dont really know what you have in a man if you dont think it rare to have a person stick through things they didnt have to, (they could have left)...because someone could have it instead of you and not take it for granted at all.  Cherish it.
Well, maybe it doesn't work that way. Maybe all the Brent's of the world wouldn't treat EVERY woman perfectly and wonderfully, maybe THIS woman is special to him.

I find it pretty odd that you would say  "...because someone could have it instead of you and not take it for granted at all." Maybe my husband loves ME that much. Maybe I'M that special to HIM. (As this is mutual, I treat him in the same way.)
 
May 8, 2007, 3:28 pm CDT

To be or not to be MARRIED?

  First, I really think this girl has very liitle respect not only for marriage but for the 2 men she has been married to!  I have been married for 7 years and if my wife went to dinner with an ex it would be impossible for me to get past that doubt, much less continue to be married to her!  I think he deserves a woman that has "No Doubt" at all that he is the man of her dreams!  Also, the "ex" has been through a war in Iraq, the last thing he needs is to be fighting a war for a woman like this.  He should let his mind clear and heart heal before getting involved with any woman seriously.  In my opinion she has already put enough strain emotionally to harm whatever relationship she chooses!  Chad should never had called her bluff on the papers, just like she should have never even sent them.  I feel sorry for hubby 2.
 
May 8, 2007, 3:28 pm CDT

Better watch out!

Quote From: justjillnojax

Tomorrow I will go for my divorce trial.  My husband had an emotional affair.  He is clueless and says there is no such thing. He stayed married to me and just went through the motions while becoming "best friends" with a female co worker.  When they decided to take it to the next level, he told me he wanted out.  He used me for company, meals, laundry, and to keep face with his friends while he built a new relationship and is now living with her.  He truely believes he did nothing wrong becauses they didn't have sex until he filed for divorce.  I wish he would either have gone for counseling with me or cut me loose but the fact that he "played married" for at least a year is the most devastating of all.  I can appreciate the difficult situation Brett is in. 
He will be back in a few months if not a year........wait and see.  I haven't talked to any husband that quickly divorced his wife that didn't want the first wife back.  My X has told everyone that he would never do it again.  You will be in the same situation if you don't make up your mind this is it.  Believe me I live it and all these others that blame and blame have no idea what they are talking about.
 
May 8, 2007, 3:29 pm CDT

05/08 Torn Between Two Husbands

Quote From: mrs_mcd

Im watching this show and i cant help but remember when my husband came home.  And as a wife of a marine i understand what they go through over there and what its like to think about your husband being in the middle of a war and most of all what they go through thying to acclimate back to living in the states. 

 

I think its really sad that she just up and left!!! yeah they change but as a marine herself she should know better than any marine wife!! She shouldnt have left in the first place and because she did she must not really love him!!

 

 

I think she is a coward!! i live on a USMC base and i see so many couples and families that deal with these stresses every day!!!

I totally agree.  She is so totally caught up in herself and tries to bail when anyone expects an ounce of loyalty from her.  I feel sorry for both of these men.  She has made both of them feel as if they've done something wrong, when SHE is the one who has reneged on her wedding vows with each of the men.  She disgusts me.
 
May 8, 2007, 3:29 pm CDT

Move on, he's a player....

Quote From: heatherserra

My ex boyfriend broke up with me because of his ex. I lived in Florida then moved to Wisconsin with my brother, my boyfriend at the time moved from florida to be with me in Wisconsin. He went to Florida and visited his "family" on his birthday. I got calls from my mom while he was down there asking if we still dated, because she lives down the same street as his mom, and told me his was with his x girlfriend of 3 years. He came back up with me in Wisconsin and we got into a big fight with my brother and sister and law, and I had to leave and so did he. I moved to Tennessee and he went back to Florida. About a week and a half of being apart he told me he was going to the movies with 2 of his friends a guy and a girl. He told me if I didnt believe me that I could look on his phone record and see that he friend Chia the gurl called and asked him to go. So I did jus that, and there was no record of her calling, so I got curious. I tried to call his phone at the time he said he was going and he didnt pick up. I left 4 voicemails and he still didnt call back so I then called his ex girlfriend private at 10 o clock at the same time he told me he was going, and she said she was at the movies with her boyfriend. I had my friend George keep three waying her to see if he was there with her. Well about 12:30 that nite I get a call from my boyfriend also my first love telling me he was cheating on me and told me he had 2 phones one for fake females like me, and one for his real girlfriend. I really wouldn't mind so much except now a month later he sends me a message and says he misses me and still loves me. He told me the reason why he did it was because he didnt know how to act with not being able to see me. This whole situation is messed up, because while we were together she was still calling then they stopped calling each other and the only time he would call her was to get me mad and jealous. He told me while we were together that when he was with her she messed up his whole life, and made him stop talking to all his friends and just be about her. He told me I was the best girlfriend any guy could want. But then turned around and picked her oer me.. What can I do now???  
  Don't waste anymore of your time on this player because that's ALL he is.  2 phones???? Doesn't know how to act when he's not able to see you?  How old is this guy anyway?  Sounds like he needs to grow up before he's in anything resembling an adult relationship.  Put a period at the end of this "relationship" and call it done.  Try to learn from it.
 
May 8, 2007, 3:29 pm CDT

Torn

The current husband should walk away. Obviously she has unfinished business and rushed into a marriage. When the ex-husband called, a healthy person would say, "I am sorry Chad but I have moved on and remarried." Brent sounds like a good man and is VERY patient.
 
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